lyrics by Art & Artie Barnes (So Boss Music ASCAP) Contents:
Boogie Woogie Amputee
I love to dance with Peg Leg Sue
She got one, I got two
I told her to save a dance for me
My boogie woogie amputee
We're gonna hop swing and jump
I shake my hips, she shakes her stump
Yeah
Sha la la la Wee ahh oooh
Disco Disco Peg Leg Sue
Oh Suzie baby if you please
Let me give your stump a squeeze
It turns me on that empty knee
My boogie woogie amputee
Down hetta-hetta
Oh Suzie you sho ain't got two left feet baby
Oh Suzie Oh Suzie you're my fave
You only got one leg to shave
You got style, you got charms
Aren't you glad you got both arms
You're gonna use 'em tonite
Yeah.
Gumby Jaws Lament
("Weird" Al Yankovic - accordion)
I've never really understood
Why my family hated me
But I know they did
All of them.
Right from the start.
I never had many friends of my own
We moved a lot
We had to
My mother was mentally ill
And she would start fires in nurseries
So we had to move a lot.
I never graduated from school
I just stopped going after the seventh grade
I remember not being able to do enough pushups
And this fat homosexual gym coach
Kept pushing me on the back of my neck
That's when I first realized
That I didn't want to become another
Old fat homosexual gym coach
Life is like that.
I watched a lot of television
Mostly the game shows
I could tell you the cost of about anything
Between 1966 and 1969
But that and a nickel won't get me on a bus
I love buses
I really like the smell don't you
I could live in the middle of a crowded bus
If someone asked you for a quarter
So that they could play a song on the jukebox
And you gave it to them
And they bought a cup of coffee instead
Would you be mad
I've never really understood
Why my family hated me
But I know they did
All of them.
Right from the start.
That's why.
Yeah.
De Pumped Out Blues
I'm sick of working this gasoline station
Pumping gas total frustration
Fillin' tanks with oil and water
Soakin' up grease like a fool ink blotter
But I ain't stupid tonite I'm quittin'
I got de no pumped de pumped out
De pumped out blues
My baby loves lovin' like there's no tomorrow
Ten times through and she still wants more
Wringin' me out like an old sponge
She rolls and hugs and bites my buns
But I ain't Superman tonite I'm quittin'
I got de no pumped de pumped out
De pumped out blues
Pumpin' 'cross the USA yeah
Pumpin' all night and all day yeah
Down on de boulevard they're pumpin'
They're pumpin' in Lumania too
Pumpin' pumpin' pumpin' pumpin' pumpin'
I got de no pumped de pumped out
De pumped out blues
I can't pump no more
I'm sick of working this gasoline station
All I get is aggravation
Do this do that check that too
Well I got better things to do
I ain't stupid tonite I'm quittin'
I got de no pumped de pumped out
De pumped out blues
Yeah.
Clip Clop (Ode to Equus)
Clip clop clippity clop
The horsey plods along
Clip clop clippity clop
The horsey sings his song
When I was a little boy
How I did my trains enjoy
Then one day my horsey came
Nothing's ever been the same
Sometimes at the break of dawn
Dew drops kiss the front yard lawn
Horsey cooks me toast and eggs
And cracks the shells between his legs
My horsey took the family car
Drove down to the corner bar
Tried to drink a trough of beer
Got so drunk that he couldn't steer
I love you horsey
What big eyes you have
We take hula dancing class
Horsey wears a skirt of grass
I'm so glad that he's my friend
Eenie meenie miney mo
Yeah.
I Hope She Dies
My girlfriend left me a month ago
I hope she gets hit by a truck
She split and hurt my big ego
Now there's no one to kiss
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope I hope I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
She used to say she loved me true
Now she's gone and I'm so blue
She's gone she's gone
She's really gone
The lubey juice is moving on
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope I hope I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
Let me tell you about this chick that dumped me
The hound
Seriously I dug this woman
I really really did
She was deep you know
Had a lot on the ball you know
She was everything a man could want
She fulfilled my every fantasy
Even the one about jello
And this woman chose to leave me
To leave me
But hey, it's all cheese anyway.
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope I hope I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I want her home in bed with me
Instead of out and running free
I need my baby yessiree
Lying here on top of me
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope I hope I hope she dies
I hope she dies
I hope she dies
Yeah.
Party in My Pants
There's a party in my pants
And I want you all to come
Voobanahana vop bop
There's a party in my pants
And I want you all to come
Voobanahana vop bop
Just got into town tonite oh yeah
Oh my pants they fit so tight oh yeah
Come along the surf is right oh yeah
Bring some beer and being some cheese oh yeah
Bite and tease and squeeze me please oh yeah
We will soon be on our knees oh yeah
After all is done and said oh yeah
You've been entertained and fed oh yeah
Now it's time to use your head uh huh
Yeah.
Fish Heads
Fish heads fish heads
Roly poly fish heads
Fish heads fish heads
Eat them up
Yum
In the morning laughing happy fish heads
In the evening floating in the soup
Ask a fish head anything you want to
They won't answer they can't talk
I took a fish head out to see a movie
Didn't have to pay to get it in
They can't play baseball they don't wear sweaters
They're not good dancers they don't play drums
Roly poly fish heads are never seen
Drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants
with Oriental women
Yeah.
Sewey Hole
I've been sleeping in the sewey hole
since you left me baby
yeah yeah yeah yeah
You broke my heart, now I'm going crazy
Let me come home I'm all alone
Sewey hole ain't no place to be
Yeah.
The Lumanian Love Song
When you move your hips I'm hipsnotized
Can't take my eyeballs off your thighs
Just one thing I wanna do
Make Lumanian love to you
Grunt and groan grind and moan
Skip and jump grind and bump
Ripping at your little panties
I'm in the mood for romance
When you chew my elbows I'm an animal
A topic of discussion for a jury panel
Just one thing I wanna do
Make Lumanian love to you
In Lumania when you want to tell someone
You love them this is what you say
Gumby jaws Mooky boo boo posse et bet
Farquar Hopi youmee lay
What a grand evening this is gonna be
Staring at the moons that glow above the sea
There's no one else I'd rather do
Than make Lumanian love to you
Yeah.
Cemetery Girls
I love to dance with cemetery girls
The moon comes out the earth unfurls
No time to waste the hours fade
They come awake the dead parade
Fresh souls in the cornfield
Anthony put them there
And it's good, it's real good
I love to kiss the cemetery girls
Their lips are hard, blank eyes like pearls
I call them up, they come to me
A zombie pomp pure ecstasy
I love to sleep with cemetery girls
Their legs are cold, sweet dusty curls
Pale pale breasts pressed to my cheek
When we make love stiff muscles creak
I love to love the cemetery girls
I wish they all could be cemetery girls
Yeah.
Something's in the Bag
Something's in the bag
Something's in the bag
Something's in the bag
The parking lot
The air was hot
I heard a sound
From the ground
I turned around
Something's in the bag (mommy)
I came up slow
I had to know
A garbled quack
The squirming sack
No turning back
It was alive
It looked right through me
I could feel the veins on my neck
Begin to pulsate and throb
Like a secretary pounding out
A hundred and fifty words per minute
On an IBM electric typewriter
I gasped for breath
I fell to my knees
I was powerless in its presence
How can I describe what I saw
I can't
Something's in the bag (mommy)
The screeching wheel
Horrendous squeal
I had to see
Could it still be
I looked inside
Softly it cried
Something's in the bag (mommy)
Yeah.
Linoleum
I'm looking for love
I'm looking everywhere
I look outside
I look in the chair
I'm looking for peace
I'm looking all around
I look in the mayonnaise
I look in the chair
You who seek the answer
You who long to know the glory
Salvation is linoleum
Salvation is linoleum
I'm looking for an attractive person
Of the opposite sex to get naked with
I'm looking everywhere
I look in the slimy water that
Secretes from the city sewage system
I look in the chair
I'm looking for a chemical substance
To ingest into my central nervous system
And alter my reality
I'm looking all around
I look under the petticoats of
Young pre-pubescent little girls
On their way to dance class
I look in the chair
Linoleum
Linseed oil solidified by oxidation
Yeah.
When You Die
When you die
You stop drinking beer
When you die
You stop being here
When you die some people cry
When you die we say goodbye
Yeah.