entered by Ted Hering
update of Italian words for "Pal-Yat-Chee" by Ted Wilson

Various Songs by Spike Jones

  1. The Nutcracker Suite
    1. Miniature Overture
    2. Land of the Sugar-Plum Fairy
    3. Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy
    4. Intro to Chinese Dance
    5. The Chinese Dance
    6. Dance of the Flutes
    7. The Mysterious Room
    8. Back to the Fairy Ball/They Dance on the Seat of Their Pants
    9. Trepak
    10. Intro To Waltz of the Flowers
    11. Waltz of the Flowers
    12. Granny Speaks
    13. Goodnight, Sleep Tight
  2. Ya Wanna Buy a Bunny?
  4. All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)
  5. It Never Rains In Sunny California

"The Nutcracker Suite"

(with apologies to Tchaikovsky)

Lyrics by Foster Carling
Original music and special arrangements by
Joseph "Country" Washburne
Copyright 1945 by Composers Music Company

Miniature Ovature

(The Little Girl's Dream)

Once on a Christmas Eve a Little Girl lay dreaming,
She dreamed of wondrous gifts that hung upon her Christmas tree.
There in her dreams she spied, in silver brightly gleaming,
A funny old NUTCRACKER hung beside a beautiful SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY.

NC: "I am the cracker of the nuts."

SPF: "Oh he's the cracker of the nuts."

NC: "And you are made of sugar plums."

SPF: "Yes I'm the fairy sugar-plum."

VERSE CHOIR: The nutcracker's the colonel of a regiment of soldiers,
Tin....wood....some are made of honey cake,
The soldiers every one must love the sugar candy fairy
For they're always at the ready guarding every move she makes.

Now in her dream it seemed the Christmas tree got bigger,
Then thru' the floor there streamed an army of a thousand MICE!

Hail the KING..... all hail the KING, with a tail like a string,
On a KING is a thing to behold!

MK: "I'm the MOUSE KING, I wanta fight, I wanta fight,
Let's have a war, hey NUTCRACKER, you got a sword?"

NC: "I accept the challenge to fight you,
Yes, I got a sword, I will prove that I'm your master and your lord."

MK and NC: Fight duel.

Voice: The NUTCRACKER'S STAGGERING, Oh what to do---
The MOUSE KING is set now, ready to run him thru'---
The NUTCRACKER's down,..he's up..now he's down again--
The LITTLE GIRL's worried to death, her face wears a frown again--
She takes off her shoe---takes careful aim---
And hurls it at the MOUSE KING, zip! zap! ZAME!!
The MOUSE KING's down----she hit him on the head----

The cheesy little geezer tried to be a Julius Caesar
So she bopped him on the beezer and the MOUSE KING's dead!

Glory, glory, glory, Oh the MOUSE---KING's---dead.

VERSE CHOIR: Then what do you think did happen?
When the MOUSE turned up his toes, the NUTCRACKER changed
To a handsome PRINCE, right in front of the LITTLE GIRL's nose.
So they all joined hands, as happy as can be,
Why don't you join them now and march around the Christmas tree?

MARCH: (Instrumental, with children marching around tree.)

VOICE: "Faster, kids, faster----wheeeeeee..." (Dbl. time to fin.)

Land of the Sugar-Plum Fairy


So they flew to the home of the SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY,
Where the rivers are honey, and everything's funny,
The mountains are strawberry jam---
When the NUTCRACKER PRINCE and the GIRL landed there
The SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY was giving a BALL---
And here's what the PRINCE and the LITTLE GIRL saw,
In her beautiful rock-candy hall.....

Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy

See the candy fairies, sugar-plums, jelly-beans, chocolate bars,
Dance the minuet,
With the candied cherries, lolly-pops, peppermints, candy-canes,
As they pirouette,
See the FAIRY PRINCESS curtsying, gracefully, beautifully,
Swaying to the tune...Music in the air--(so entrancing)
Flowers in her hair (as she's dancing)
Love is everywhere--(Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h)
'Neath the yellow lemon-drop moon.

(SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY DANCES) There she goes now, on her toes now,
To her yellow lemon-drop moon.

Intro to Chinese Dance


Now the LITTLE GIRL had two Chinese dolls that had come along with them too,
And one had the name of, "MO-DON-FUN," and the other was called, "AH-CHOO"
They rubbed each other's noses, (that's the way the chinky Chinaman kiss,)
Then they started in, to do a dance, that sounded something like this....

The Chinese Dance

(Dolls in dance routine.)


VOICE: "Chang-fong-chee-hop-so-wing-so-lee.....

Go light yo' fiah-clacker, bang-up Chlissmus..."

(Dance continues, faster and faster to finish.)

Dance of the Flutes

D'ja ever see a tin flute dancing? (Hm?)
D'ja ever know a piccolo could dance a jig?
Here's the tune they dance to when they get a chance to,
It's a kind of a rinky-dinky, ending with a whirli-gig...

(flute dances)

When, they play the music hot, they dance a hot gavotte...
As like as not......

When a penny flute goes dancing, he'll never ask a lady piccolo of course,
He never goes for small things, what he likes, of all things, is...a HORSE!

(Flute & HORSE ballet)

Don't you think they're both entrancing,
What could be as graceful as a hunk O' TIN,
'Specially in the chorus, dancing with a H-O-R-U-S
That's a pretty picture or my name is Gunga Din!

(Ballet continues)

Let us leave them gently.......
Maybe instrument'ly.......


The Mysterious Room


In the SUGAR-PLUM FAIRY's palace, (in the middle, just off center,)
Was a spooky old room, that the LITTLE GIRL knew
She was strictly forbidden to enter-----

The door was covered with cob-webs, and this most mysterious room
Was dark as an elephant's tummy---still as a mummy's tomb.....
But the LITTLE GIRL got curious, curiosity is what killed killed the cat,
She crept to the door, got down on the floor---
And peeked thru' the crack----WHAT'S THAT!??

THE ARAB DANCE: (inst) Spiders, bats, and witches in a grotesque routine.

VOICE: "I say Holmes-----wot was that?"

(Dance continues till door closes)

Back To the Fairy Ball (orig.)/They Dance on the Seat of Their Pants

One of the presents the LITTLE GIRL got was a wonderful Russian doll,
He winked his eye, stroked his beard,
And danced the fol-der-ol-dol, the fol-der-ol-dol, (overlap vocally)
The Russians you know are very well known, from Timbuctu to France,
They fold their arms across their chest, and sit on their pants and dance, Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h, they dance on the seat of their pants......


(Russian Doll dances)

(Stops, and sings)

RD: "Mister Tchaikovsky, this dance is toughsky,
Where'd you ever find a tune to get me down--so--low--?"

(Continues to dance with KAZOTSKI finish.)

(Falls, exhausted...)

Intro to Waltz of the Flowers


After the dolls had danced, the LITTLE GIRL stood entranced,
For all of the flowers in LEMON-DROP LAND,
Came waltzing down from Marmalade Mountain......

Waltz of the Flowers

All of the blooms were there, dancing the waltz of the flowers,
Every little yellow columbine, met her fellow honeysuckle vine,
Every posy loves to ring-a-round the rosy till the morning hours,
Each handsome dandelion, waltzed with his own brown-eyed Susan,
Every little daisy in the dell, knew a secret none of them would tell,
If you'd ask them they would only say,
She loves you, loves you not,
She loves you, loves you not,
And then they'd go a soaring, soaring, soaring,
All the world adoring.....
Gliding, gliding, gliding...
Every heart entwined, in three-quarter-time.
Pink azaleas, and camellias, met their fav'rite bougainvilleas,
Rhododendrons, point their tendrons, as they curtsy and bow to all...
We could mention, some dissension, when a dahlia paid attention
To a dew-eyed, blue-eyed gentian, who just sat by the garden wall..
Ah...poor wall-flower, your petal heart is breaking,
What does it gain you, crying your heart out,
Why does it pain you, why don't you start out...to find a little love..
Poor wall-flower, know that altho' that heart is breaking,
Sadness is fleeting, joy you'll be meeting,
Open your heart and hark to love's greeting......

(Flowers continue dancing, chattering gayly.)

Then as time wore on the pretty little flowers,
Wilted down to meet the morning hours,
Tulips and roses assumed graceful poses,
And then the great clock in the tower struck twelve.........
And the WALTZ OF THE FLOWERS was ended.........

Granny Speaks

(LITTLE GIRL in bed.)

GRANNY: Say, wasn't that just ever a story, and didn't she have a dream?
Just imagine a trip to a wonderful land
Of candy, and jam, and ice-cream....
But I think I know how it happened,
And it could happen I `speck' to you too,
She'd been eatin' too much of that scrumptious mince pie,
Least that's what I think, don't you?
Well, you've been to the land of the lemon-drops,
D'ya know how far that'd be?
That's seven round trips round the whole world and back,
(Divided by 6, carry 3.)
There's another place now where I'll take you, and make you
As cozy as peas in a pod,
It's across a fair strand, in the beautiful land,
Of Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight


Good night, sleep tight, it's time for bed they say
So close your eyes and you'll surprise them with another day,
And if you pray, the Lord your soul to keep,
You'll have a guardian angel guarding you,
Close your eyes....and sleep.


Ya Wanna Buy a Bunny?

As recorded by Spike Jones and His City Slickers, vocal refrain by George Rock

By Carl Hoefle and Del Porter, Tune Town Tunes, 1949


My 'rithmatic is gettin' bad.
I don't know what to do.
I bought a little bunny,
Then I bought another bunny.
Don't one and one make two?


Now when I'm lookin' at the funnies
I get as mad as mad as I can be
'Cause now there are so many bunnies --

And when I'm eating bread and honey
Those silly little bunnies pester me
'Cause all the bunnies beg for honey --
Oh gee, Oh gosh, YA WANNA BUY A BUNNY?

When we're playing hide and seek
At my heels they sneak, sneak, sneak,
When I hide they peek, peek, peek,
I get so mad I could shriek: EEEEK!

If you want a fuzzy bunny
That's got a wigg'ly nose and cotton tail
I wish that you would buy a bunny
'Cause I got lots of bunnies for sale.


An' when I get up early in the morning to go out to the chicken house to feed my little tiny baby chickens, all those crazy little bunnies just follow around after me, just hop-hop-hop-hop-hop-hop-hoppin' like the dickens. Here, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky! Get away from me, bunny. Ya bother me. Get outa here, ya crazy little bunnies!

And when I sneak my little tiny puppy dog, Rover, upstairs with me to bed, the bed is full of them silly little bunnies, from the foot up to the head. Get out of my bed, you bad little bunnies! Go on, now, bunnies! Get outa here! Go on, now!


Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, everywhere.
There's bunnies on the table and there's bunnies on the chair.
Bunnies on the sofa and there's bunnies on the floor,
And there's some new ones coming through the door: more?!

Please come on and buy a bunny.
I'd even like to sell you two or three.
But if you don't have any money,
I'll give you a bunny.
'Cause there's just...


...too darn many bunnies for me! There's bunnies all over the place. Bunnies under my feet, bunnies on my bed. Every place that I go, those silly little bunnies.... (fade out)


As recorded by Spike Jones

Lyrics by Eddie Maxwell from Pagliacci by Leoncavallo

Copyright 1953 Lindley Music Publishing Co.

When we wuz in the city we wuz wond'rin' where to go.
A sign spelled out PAL-YAT-CHEE up in lights above a show.
We thought 'twould be a Western till the stage lit up with lights,
An' ninety seven people sung without a horse in sight.
We couldn't understand 'em 'cause they spoke a foreign tongue,
But we can give you some i-dee of what we think they sung:

"Ridi, Pagliaccio, Sul tuo amore'in fronto"

All at once there's a fat guy in a clown suit.
Ain't Haller-ween, that's for shore.
Then this here feller, this Punchy Neller,
Begins to beller -- Like we all was deef.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

That was PAL-YAT-CHEE an' he sung:

Invest in a tuba an' somthin' or other 'bout Cuba
He sung about a lady who weighed two hundred and eighty.
When she takes a powder he just starts chirpin' louder
And he don't do a gol-durn thing 'cept to stand up there an' sing.

When we listen to PAL-YAT-CHEE we get itchy an' scratchy.
This shore is top corn so we go and buy some popcorn.
We hate to go back but we can't git our dough back.
There ain't no use complainin' 'cause outside it's a-rainin'.

(orchestra bridge)

Seven hours later we're still in the dern theater,
Takin' turns at nappin', a-waitin' for somethin' to happen.
PAL-YAT-CHEE he ain't hurryin' but the folks on stage are flurryin'
And it sounds like Kat-chee-tur-ry-in's Neighbor Dance.

When ol' PAL-YAT-CHEE finds the guy he's seekin'
Cheek-to-cheekin' with his wife he grabs a knife
And stabs the louse who stole his spouse
An' then he stabs the lady and himself.
Ain't very sanitary.

They all collapse but ol' PAL-YAT-CHEE sets up
Then he gets up, sings "I'm dyin',
I am dyin', I am dyin'." We start cryin'
'Cause to tell the truth we're dyin' too.

As the footlights fade out we see PAL-YAT-CHEE laid out
But the dagger never caused it. PAL-YAT-CHEE was plumb exhausted.

(RCA version adds:) "Ridi, Pagliaccio, Sul tuo amore'in <belch>"

All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)

As recorded by Spike Jones & His City Slickers

Composed by Don Gardner

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse
Suddenly, I heard a strange noise down below
So, in my flannel pajamas, I went tippy-toe
I could see old Saint Nick from the spot where I stood
So I slid down the banister just as fast as I could
(slide down and crash. Then sings:)

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth
Then I can wish you Merry Christmas

It seems so long since I could say,
"Sister Suzie sitting on a thistle"
Every time I try to speak
All I do is whistle

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth?
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth
Then I can wish you Merry Christmas

(toy band plays "Jingle Bells" with sound effects)

Good old Santa Claus and all his reindeer
They used to bring me lots of toys and candy
Gee, but now when I go outside and yell, "Dancer, Prancer, Donner and Blitzen",
None of them can understand me! (sob)

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
My two front teeth
See my two front teeth?
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
So I can wish you Merry Christmas...

Oh, for goodness sakes...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It Never Rains In Sunny California

As recorded by Spike Jones

Composed by Jack Elliott

Copyright 1952 Lindley Music Publishing Co.

(Radio intro:)
There are some things that never will happen, I'm sure you'll agree,
Like Crosby's horses winning races, and Benny playing "The Bee."

(RCA Victor version:)
There are some things that never will happen, and you know I'm right
Like Little Abner getting married, and Dick Tracy losing a fight.
And out in Hollywood there's one thing on which you can bank every time,
For it never, never happens, so you can bet your last dime

That IT NEVER RAINS IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA, How true, how true, how true;
IT NEVER RAINS IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA, but what a lot of dew!
The sun keeps shining all the time, it shines where e'er you float,
And the scenery is so lovely to see if you own a glass bottom boat.
But IT NEVER RAINS IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA, the sun shines all the time.

(Sneeze) It dever raids id Suddy Califordia (Wheeze)
(Spoken) Of course dot, How perfectly obserd (Sneeze)
It dever raids id suddy Califordia (Hack)
The Chaber of Cobberse (Breath) give you their word.
(Cough) The liquid sud keeps pourin down, It's so hard to explaid.
If you're not a Califordian (Sniff) you'd swear that it was raid.
But it dever raids in suddy Califordia (Wheeze)
I heard some people say (Huff) that it dever raids in Suddy California
(Spoken) As they swab past be out in the Valley the other day.
Why, id my back yard I had a garden, growing fresh ad green.
I looked out there this morning (Uh) saw a submarine!
But it dever raids in Suddy Califordia.
IT'S A CLOUDBURST all the -- uh uh uh (Sneeze hack) time.

(the printed sheet music adds this middle verse:)
IT NEVER RAINS IN SUNNY CALIFORNIA, the travel folders say.
And still I think it's only fair to warn ya, the skies are sometimes gray.
You never see a sidewalk damp or anything like mud,
'Cause anytime you look around, the place is one big flood;
There is sunshine all the time.

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