I'm singing you the ballad
Of a great man of the cloth
His name was Harry Lewis
And he worked for Irving Roth
He died while cutting velvet
On a hot July the 4th
But his cloth goes shining on
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on
Oh Harry Lewis perished
In the service of his Lord
He was trampling through the warehouse
Where the drapes of Roth are stored
He had the finest funeral
The union could afford
And his cloth goes shining on
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on
Although a fire was raging
Harry stood by his machine
And when the firemen broke in
They discovered him between
A pile of roasted Dacron
And some french fried gabardine
His cloth goes shining on
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
Glory, glory Harry Lewis
His cloth goes shining on
I sell a line of plastics
And I travel on the road
And I have a case of samples
Which believe me is a load
Every night a strange cafe
A strange hotel and then
Early in the morning
I am on the road again
When the season's over
And my lonesome journey ends
That's the only time I see
My family and my friends
I drive up Ocean Parkway
And before I stop the car
My ma leans out the window
And she hollers, "Here we are!"
Shake hands with your Uncle Max, my boy
And here is your sister Shirl
And here is your cousin Isabel
That's Irving's oldest girl
And you remember the Tishman twins
Gerald and Jerome
We all came out to greet you
And to wish you welcome home
Meet..
Merowitz, Berowitz, Handelman, Schandelman
Sperber and Gerber and Steiner and Stone
Boskowitz, Lubowitz, Aaronson, Baronson,
Kleinman and Feinman and Freidman and Cohen
Smallowitz, Wallowitz, Tidelbaum, Mandelbaum
Levin, Levinsky, Levine and Levi
Brumburger, Schlumburger, Minkus and Pinkus
And Stein with an "e-i" and Styne with a "y"
Shake hands with your Uncle Sol mein boy
And here is your brother Sid
And here is your cousin Yetta
Who expects another kid
Whenever you're on the road my boy
Wherever you may roam
We'll all be here when you come back
To wish you welcome home
In Sherwood Forest
There dwelt a knight
Who was known
As the righteous Sir Greenbaum
And many dragons
Had felt the might
Of the smite
Of the righteous Sir Greenbaum
I chanced upon him one morn
When he'd recently rescued a maiden fair
Why, why art thou so forlorn
Sir Greenbaum, is thy heart heavy laden?
Said he, "Forsooth
'Tis a sorry plight
That engendered my attitude bluish"
Said he, "I don't wanna be a knight
That's no job for a boy who is Jewish"
All day with the mighty sword
And the mighty steed and the mighty lance
All day with that heavy shield
And a pair of aluminum pants
All day with the slaying and slewing
And smiting and smoting like Robin Hood
Oh, wouldst I could kick the habit
And give up smoting for good
And so he said to the other knights,
"You may have my possessions and my goods
For I am moving to Shaker Heights
Where I've got some connections in dry goods
Farewell to the dragon's paw
And the other swashbuckling games and sports
I'll work for my father in law
When I marry Miss Guinevere Schwartz"
Oy, my Zelda
My Zelda
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
Once again now
My Zelda
My Zelda
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
My Zelda she found her big romance
When I broke the zipper in my pants
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
Everybody!
CHORUS
Sing along with Moish now!
CHORUS
It's almost too sad to tell to you
She took 7 books of green stamps too
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
Everybody!
CHORUS
Once again now!
CHORUS
That tailor he really hurt my pride
He made my lapels an inch too wide
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
Everybody!
My Zelda (comin' 'round the corner)
My Zelda (sing out the chorus)
My Zelda, she took the money and ran with the tailor
Once again now!
CHORUS
Members of Hadassah!
CHORUS
Everybody!
CHORUS
Oh why did she go and fall in love
I haven't seen her since Tisha B'av
My Zelda she took the money and ran with the tailor
-Everybody!
CHORUS
Sing a little softer..
CHORUS
Everybody!
CHORUS
As I wandered out
On the streets of Miami
I said to meinself
This is some fancy town
I called up mein partner
And said, "Hello, Sammy
Go pack up your satchel
And mosey on down"
I got me a bunk
In the old Roney Plaza
With breakfast and dinner
Included of course
I caught 40 winks
On mein private piazza
Then I rented a pinto
From Hertz Rent-a-Horse
He rented a pinto from Hertz Rent-a-Horse
My partner flew down
On a non-scheduled airline
You never did see
Such a pale-looking man
I recognized him
From his receding hairline
He recognized me
From mein beautiful tan
Twas then that I heard
Fighting words from mein partner
He said, "Marvin, the Roney is no place to stay
I'm going to the Fontainebleau
Partner, it's mod'ner
And I'll charge to the firm 60 dollars a day"
He'll charge to the firm 60 dollars a day
I said to him, "Paleface,
You hanker for trouble
With the company checkbook
You quick on the draw"
He smiled and said, "Stranger,
For me that goes double
'Cause west of the Fontainebleau
I am the law"
Next morning
The whole Lincoln road was deserted
And somewhere a hi-fi was playing a tune
'Cause everyone knew
Someone's gonna be murdered
In a duel in the sun
On the stroke of high noon
A duel in the sun at the stroke of high noon
I took careful aim
With mein trusty revolver
The clock in the Fontainebleau
Struck 12 o'clock
I shot and Sam crumbled
Just like a piece halvah
And that's what they called
A bad day at Black Rock
They came with a posse
And took mein sixgun away
The crowd was too angry
To leave me in jail
The sherrif said, "Outlaw
I'm gon' let you run away
But don't ever be seen
South of Ft. Lauderdale"
So now I can never go back to Miami
And New York is so cold
That a person could die
I'd be better off dead
Like mein late partner Sammy
'Cause he's in that big Fontainebleau in the sky
'Cause he's in that big Fontainebleau in the sky!
Hello? | |
Is this 418-9749? | |
Speaking. | |
Sarah? | |
Yeah. | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
How's by you? | |
How's by you? | |
How's by you the family? | |
How's your sister Emily? | |
She's nice too. | |
She's nice too. | |
Jerry Bachman, | |
Jerry Bachman, | |
So what's new? | |
So what's new? | |
Whatcha doing Sarah? | |
Reading John O'Hara. | |
He's nice too. | |
He's nice too. | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
How's by you? | |
How's by you? | |
How's your brother Bernie? | |
He's a big attorney. | |
How's your sister Doris? | |
Still with William Morris. | |
How's your cousin Shirley? | |
She got married early. | |
How's her daughter Esther? | |
Skipped a whole semester. | |
How's your brother Bentley? | |
Feeling better ment'ly. | |
How's your cousin Ida? | |
She's a freedom rider. | |
What's with Uncle Sidney? | |
They took out a kidney. | |
How's your sister Norma? | |
She's a non-conforma. | |
How's yours cousin Lena? | |
Moved to Pasadena. | |
How's your Uncle Nathan? | |
Him I got no faith in. | |
I ain't heard from Sonja. | |
I'll get her to phone ya. | |
How's her daughter Rita? | |
A regular Lolita. | |
How's your cousin Manny? | |
Signed up with Vic Tanny. | |
How's your nephew Seymour? | |
Seymour joined the Peace Corps. | |
He's nice too. | |
He's nice too. | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
Sarah Jackman, | |
How's by you? | Jerry Bachman, |
How's by you? | Jerry Bachman, |
Give regards to Hi now. | So what's new? |
Gotta say goodbye now. | So what's new? |
Toodle-oo. | Give regards to Moe now. |
Toodle-oo. | Well I gotta go now. |
Toodle-oo. | Toodle-oo. |
Toodle-oo. | Toodle-oo. |
Toodle-oo. | Toodle-oo. |
Gotta jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of cotton,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of wool.
Gotta jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of cotton,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Pick a dress of wool.
Jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of cotton,
Gotta Jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of wool.
Gotta jump down, spin around,
And pick a dress of cotton,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Pick a dress of wool.
Grab those bargains off those racks
Who needs Bergdorf, who needs Saks
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Save a dollar-eighty,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Save a lotta dough.
Gotta get yourself a bargain.
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Save a dollar-eighty,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Save a lotta dough.
Here's what I've been searching for
A genuine copy of a fake Dior
Gotta jump down -
Take it off a rack
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Try it on your back.
Gotta jump down -
Take it off a rack,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Try it on your back.
Gotta take it off a rack-
Gotta spin around, spin around,
Jump down-
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Take it off a rack,
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Try it on your back.
Here's a size 8 I could fix
Gotta let it out to 46
-Repeat first chorus 2x-
Little Shirley jumped down!
Took one off a hanger
Little Rose jumped down!
Grabbed it away.
Little Shirley jumped down
Little Rose jumped down
Gotta take it off a hanger
Gotta jump down
Take it off a hanger
Gotta jump down
Grab it right away
Gotta jump down-
Spin around-
Take it off a hanger
Gotta jump down, spin around,
Grab it right away.
See how this one looks on me
Just like Jackie Kennedy.
It does?
-Repeat first chorus 2x-
Oh pick a dress of cotton
Oh pick a dress of wool
Oh what a sale of clothes
Oh that's the way it goes
Oh jump down, spin around, spin around, spin around,
Spin around, spin around, spin around
-Repeat first chorus 2x-
Seltzer boy
Where are you hiding
If you don't come right now
I'm gon' tell you boss on you
Oy.
Don't bring me water
I rather have seltzer
'Cause water don't bubble
And water don't fizz
Water I hate it
'Cause it ain't carbonated
But a glass of seltzer
On the other hand is
Don't bring me Pepsi
Don't bring me a Kool-Aid
Don't bring a malted
And don't bring me champagne
I'll tell you what boy
Bring me one scotch and soda
Then you'll take back the scotch, boy
And leave the 2 cents plain
Seltzer boy
When are you coming?
If don't bring that seltzer
I'm gon' tell Mister Meltzer on you
Seltzer boy
[Seltzer squirting]
That's better, could you put in a little chocolate sauce?
This is known as "The Ballad Of Oh Boy".
We'd like to know what you think.
Oh boy.
What's your opinion of mink?
Oh boy.
Thunderbirds and Cadillacs
Oh boy.
April 15 Income tax
Oh boy.
Winter in Miami Beach
Oh boy.
Itching where you cannot reach
Oh boy.
Somebody scratching your itch
Oh boy.
Thursday night singing with Mitch
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Sophia Loren
Oh boy!
Chief Justice Warren.
Oh boy!
Merril Lynch Pierce Fenner Smith and the whole B'nai Brith
Oh boy!
Sylvia Porter
Oh boy!
Barry Goldwarter
Oh boy!
Edna St. Vincent Millay and the whole U.J.A.
Oh boy!
Movies with Barton MacLane
Oh boy.
Heartburn and other kinds pain
Oh boy.
Sir Arthur Conan and Doyle
Both great.
Diets with safflower oil
Oh boy.
What do you think of the twist?
Oh boy.
Khrushchev the bald communist
Oh boy.
Astronauts like Colonel Glenn
Oh boy.
Elizabeth Taylor and men
Oh boy.
Oh boy!
Igor Stravinsky
Oh boy!
Bo Bolinsky
Oh boy!
David Dubinsky and Minsky and Wernher Von Braun
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Buffalo Bill Cody
Oh boy!
Truman Capote
Oh boy!
Newton B. Minow, Knute Rockne and Olga San Juan!
Oh boy!
If things ain't going so nice
Oh boy!
Here is some lovely advice
Oh boy!
Life will be gay and carefree
Oh boy!
If you repeat after me.
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
Oh boy!
etc.
[parody of "Blue Tail Fly" by Burl Ives & The Andrews Sisters]
Oh salesmen come and salesmen go
And my best one is gone I know
And if he don't come back to me
I'll have to close the factory
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
Gimme Jack Cohen and I don't care
But the bastard's gone away.
[parody of "Jamaica Farewell" by Harry Belafonte]
I'm upside down, my head is turning around
Because I gotta sell the house in Levittown
[parody of "Little David, Play On Your Harp"]
Little David Susskind-
Shut up
Please don't talk; please don't talk
Little David Susskind-
Me first
Then you'll talk
[parody of "St. James' Infirmary" by Louis Armstrong & His Savoy Ballroom Five, also by Cab Calloway & His Orchestra]
I went down to Mt. Sinai - Hospital
To see my old zaydie there
And I said, Thanks God
For the Blue Cross
And I wish we had the Medicare
[parody of "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"]
God bless you, Jerry Mendelbaum
Let nothing you dismay
This May you had a rotten month
So what is there to say
Let's hope next May is better
And good things will come your way
And you won't have a feeling of dismay
Next May
[parody of "When The Saints Go Marching In"]
Oh when the paint'ners
Go marching in
Oh when the paint'ners
Go marching in
Just make sure they put a dropcloth
When the paint'ners go marching in
[parody of "Joshua Fit The Battle Of Jericho"]
Yasha got a bottle of Geritol
Geritol, Geritol
Yasha got a bottle of geritol
And he knocked a whole in the wall
That's all
No wall
[parody of "I Will Give My Love An Apple"]
I gave my love a chicken
It had no bone
I gave my love a cherry
It had no stone
I gave my love a baby
And then, you see
My love got very angry and she said to me
I didn't mind the chicken
Without the bone
I didn't mind the cherry
Without the stone
But when you give a baby
It's just one thing
You oughta give at least
An engagement ring
[parody of Stephen Foster's "The Camptown Races (Gwine To Run All Night)"]
The Catskill ladies sing this song
Hoo-hah, Hoo-hah,
Sitting on the front porch playing Mah-Jongg
All hoo-hah day
[parody of "The Yellow Rose Of Texas" by Mitch Miller]
Oh I'm Melvin Rose of Texas
And my friends all call me Tex
When I lived in old New Mexico
They used to call me Mex
When I lived in old Kentucky
They called me Old Kentuck
I was born in old Shamokin
Which is why they call me Melvin Rose
[parody of "Shortenin' Bread"]
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of matzoh balls
Stole the skillet
Stole the lead
Stole a lotta balls
Made of Pesach bread
Stole the chicken
Out of the soup
Stole the pot
And made a lot of chicken soup
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh, matzoh
Mammy's little baby loves matzoh balls
Mammy's little baby wants pots and pots of
Lots and lots of mat-zoh - oh! - balls