entered by Jeff Morris

The Biggest Parakeets In Town

by Jud Strunk
Written by C. Drew, J. Strunk
available on Peaked at #50 on Billboard's Hot 100 in 1975

Some folks I know keep looking
For rare old coins and stamps,
While others see what's cooking
With antique books and lamps.
Some hobbies are like slavery
There's one too tough for words.
This gal has got an aviary,
And you should see her birds.

She's got chanticleers and dickey birds,
Intelligent and tricky birds
That make the boys hang around.
Her crow is black and shiny,
Her hummingbirds are tiny,
But she's got the biggest parakeets in town.

She's got cockatoos and bobolinks,
In Royal blue and dusty pinks,
And you should see them hangin' upside down.
Oh, it's thrilling to behold her
When she wings them past her shoulder,
'Cause she's got the biggest parakeets in town.

And every night
When she gets into bed,
She puts each one on a pillow.
Oh they sound like Bing
When they start to sing
"Tweet willow, tweet willow, tweet willow."

After holding them and petting them,
She gets a thrill in letting them
Go swingin' from the ceiling to the ground.
Ask anyone who's seen 'em.
It's hard to chose between 'em.
'Cause she's got the biggest parakeets in town.

Imagine her in love one day,
As she tells her fiance, "OK,"
On the day the wedding rolls around.
Now he loves the ground she stands on,
He can't wait to get his **** on
The biggest parakeets in town.

Well, picture on her wedding night,
When hubby dear turns off the light,
And wakes in the mornin' with a frown.
As he goes to caress her
He sees them on the dresser...
The biggest parakeets in town.
(She's really got 'em, boy.)
The biggest parakeets in town.
(They're enormous!)

Footnote: I don't know what the **** is above. The word "hands" would make sense, and the fraction of the word you hear before the bleep sounds like that. I assume it must be another word though, because why would they bleep "hands"?

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