Off the Deep End

1. Smells Like Nirvana
2. Trigger Happy
3. I Can't Watch This
4. Polka Your Eyes Out
5. I Was Only Kidding
6. The White Stuff
7. When I Was Your Age
8. Taco Grande
9. Airline Amy
10. The Plumbing Song
11. You Don't Love Me Anymore

What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no.
Don't know, don't know, don't know.

Now I'm mumblin'
And I'm screamin'
And I don't know
What I'm singin'
Crank the volume
Ears are bleedin'
I still don't know
What I'm singin'
We're so loud and
Incoherent
Boy this oughta
Bug your parents
Yeah <burp> <boing>

It's unintelligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss(?)
With all these marbles in my mouth
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no.
Don't know, don't know, don't know.

Well we don't sound
Like Madonna
Here we are now
We're Nirvana
Sing distinctly?
We don't wanna!
Buy our album
We're Nirvana
A garage band
From Seattle
Well it sure beats
Raising cattle
Yeah <moo> <baah>

<gargle> (kazoo)

And I forgot the next verse
Oh well, I guess it pays to rehearse
The lyric sheet's so hard to find
What are the words? Oh, nevermind ...
Don't know, don't know, don't know, oh no.
Don't know, don't know, don't know.

Well I'm yellin
And we're playin'
But I don't know
What I'm sayin'
What's the message
I'm conveyin'?
Can you tell me
What I'm sayin?
So have you got
Some idea?
Didn't think so -
Well I'll see ya
Sayonara
Sayonara
Ayonawa
Odinawa
Odinaya
Yodinaya
Yaddayadda
Yaaahyaaah
Ayaaaaaah!

Trigger Happy

Well, you can't take my guns away -
I got a Constitutional right. (Ooh-we-ooh)
Yea, I gotta be ready if the Commies attack us tonight. (Bam bam bam)
I'll blow their minds out with my Smith & Wesson.
That oughta teach 'em all a darn good lesson.
Now I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day. (Trigger happy every day)

(Oh, yea I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, baby I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy. (Trigger happy)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.

Oh, I accidentally shot Daddy last night in the den.
(Shot daddy in the den)
I mistook him in the dark for a drug-crazed Nazi again.
(Drug-crazed Nazi again)
Now, why'd you have to get so mad?
It was just a lousy flesh-wound, Dad.
You know I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day.
(Trigger happy every day)

Oh, I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet.
(Bop doo wa, sh'wop wop doo wa)
Little Fluffy took a round - better take him to the Vet.
(Bop doo wa, sh'wop wop doo wa)
I filled that Kitty-Cat so full of lead. (Ooh-ooh-ooh)
We'll have to use him for a pencil instead.
Well, I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day.
(Trigger happy every day)

(Oh, yea I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, baby I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy. (Trigger happy)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.

Come on and grab your ammo. (Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) What have you got to lose?
We'll get all liquered up and shoot at anything that moves.

Got a brand-new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight.
(Shoot to kill, now, shoot to kill)
Oh, I'm prayin' somebody tries to break in here tonight.
(Shoot to kill, now, shoot to kill)
I always keep a magnum in my trunk.
You better ask yourself, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"
Because I'm trigger happy, trigger happy every day.
(Trigger happy every day)

(Oh, yea I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, baby I'm) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy.
(Oh, I'm so) trigger, trigger happy.
Yes, I'm trigger, trigger happy. (Trigger happy)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.

(Watch out or he'll blow you away)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.
(Watch out or he'll blow you away)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.
(Watch out or he'll blow you away)
Better watch out punk, or I'm gonna have to blow you away.

I Can't Watch This

I can't watch this. I can't watch this.
I can't watch this. I can't watch this.

My my my my TV makes me so bored. Makes me say, "Oh, my Lord.
What is this garbage here?" Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears.
It sucks, and that's no lie. It's about as much fun as watching paint dry.
Lowers my IQ one notch and that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch.

I told you, homeboy, I can't watch this.
Yea, nothin' but trash and you know I can't watch this.
Poke out my eyes, man, I can't watch this.
Yo, gimme that remote control, I can't watch this.

Talkin' 'bout sick shows. There's America's Funniest Home Videos.
I can't believe my eyes when I see the kind of stuff that wins 1st prize.
Somebody's poor old mom falls down on the roof, lands right on the lawn.
Face first on a rake. I hear they got it on the seventeenth take.
That's funny as a kick in the crotch. And that kinda show, uh, I can't watch.

Yo, I told you, I can't watch this.
Change the chanel, now, man, I can't watch this.
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucka, I can't watch this.

Cosby show and Rosanne. Think I've taken 'bout as much as I can.
Judge Wopner, oh my. You gotta be Rainman to like this guy.
Thirty-Something is alright if you like hearing Yuppies whinning all night.
Can't stand Twin Peaks. Wish they'd lynch those donut-eatin' freaks.
Those Siskel and Ebert bums oughta go home 'n just sit on their thumbs.

That's word, because you know, I can't watch this.
I can't watch this. Break it down.

Here's how to order. Money-back guarantee.
Removes tough stains fast. Tastes more like fresh peanuts.
They keep going and going... Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
Could be dandruff. our prices are insaaaane!

Stop! Prime time.

I'm pretty sure I'll be sick if I have to watch another stupid pet trick.
Or that guy with the real flat hair that goes "Woof woof woof" and waves his fist in the air.
Or those weird talk shows about transexual Nazi Eskimos.
They're rude, crude and vile. Just for a minute, let's flip down the dial.

Flip, flip, flip, yecch. I can't watch this.
Look, man, I can't watch this.
I can't take this torture no more, I can't, I can't watch this.
Pay the bills, Station break. Break it down.

Operators are standing by. Cubic-zirconium necklace.
You're soaking in it. And our fabulous Swimsuit issue.
When you've got a headache THIS big. Read the book.
This is your brain on drugs. I've fallen and I can't get up.

Stop! Cable time.

HBO and Playboy. Showtime and MTV.
I might like 'em more after my lobotomy.
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk.
Just brainless blood and guts and mindless T and A.
It's awful. It's putrid. It's crummy. It's stupid.
Gonna throw my set away.

I can't watch this. I can't watch this. I can't watch this.
Yea, I can't watch this. I told you, can't watch this.
Too hip, can't watch this. Get me outta here, can't watch this.

Polka Your Eyes Out

["Cradle Of Love" by Billy Idol]
Hey!
Rock the cradle of love. Rock the cradle of love.
Yes, the cradle of love don't rock easy, it's true.
Rock the cradle of love. I rocked the cradle of love.
Yes, the cradle of love don't rock easy, it's true.

["Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega]
Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo.
(Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doodoo doo)

["Love Shack" by The B-52's]
The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get together.
Love Shack, baby. (Love Shack, baby, Love Shack). Hey!

["Pump Up The Jam" by Technotronic]
Pump up the jam. (Hey!) Pump up the jam. (Hey!).
Pump up the jam, pump it up.

["Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.]
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.
Trying to keep a view, and I don't know if I can do it.
(Oh no) I've said too much. I haven't said enough.

["Unbelievable" by EMF]
The things you say, your purple prose just gives you away.
The things you say, you're unbeleivable. (Oh!)

["Do Me!" by Bel Biv Devoe]
Do me baby, do me baby.
You can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night.
You can do me when you wanna do me. Yodalodaladyhoo!

["Enter Sandman" by Metallica]
Exit light. Enter night. Take my hand. Off to Never-neverland.

["The Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground]
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump.
Do me baby. Do the humpty-hump. Do the Humpty-hump.
Do me baby. Do the Humpty-hump. Come on and do the Humpty-hump.

["Cherry Pie" by Warrant]
She's my cherry pie. Put a smile on your face ten miles wide.
Looks so good make a grown man cry. Sweet cherry pie-yi-yi.
Whoo!

Drum solo!

["Miss You Much" by Janet Jackson]
I miss you much (M O I miss you much).
I really miss you much (M I S S you much).
I miss you much (M O I miss you much).
I really miss you much.

["I Touch Myself" by DiVinyls]
Hey, I don't want anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself.
Oh, I don't want anybody else. Oh no, oh no, oh no no no.

["Dr. Feelgood" by Mötley Crüe]
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood.
He's the one that makes you feel alright.
He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood.
He's gonna be your frankenstein.

["Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice]
Let's kick it!
If you've got a problem, yo, I'll solve it.
Check out the beat while the DJ revolves it.
Ice ice baby, Ice ice baby. Word to your mother.
Ice ice baby, Ice ice baby forever.
I'll be your i-ce i-ce baby (ice ice baby, ice ice baby, ice ice baby) Hey!

I Was Only Kidding

When I said that I need you baby, when I told you that I really care.
When I said that I can't live without you,
When I said I'd follow you anywhere.
When I said you could always trust me,
When I said I'd never leave you flat.
Well, guess what? I was only kidding, baby.
I can't believe you fell for that. You're so gullible.

(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) You thought that was for real? I was only kidding.
Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains.
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) Baby, baby, I was only kidding.
Well, I guess I got you pretty good. Now listen.

When I said that I love you baby, from the very bottom of my heart.
when I said that I miss you baby, every second that we're apart.
When I swore that you're just getting more and more beautiful every day.
Well, I was only kidding, honey. What's the matter with you anyway?
Let me tell you something.

(I was only kidding) I wa sonly kidding.
(I was only kidding) You understand, don't ya? I was only kidding.
Well, I guess I prob'ly hurt you alot, but you gotta know,
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) Come on, now, get a clue.
I was only kidding, I really love you, NOT!

When I said you oughta marry me, when I said that we should settle down.
Well, I was pullin' your leg, there, honey. I was just foolin' around.
You see - I never meant to upset you, darlin'.
I never meant to hurt anyone.
I was only kidding baby. Why don't you just put down that gun?
Let's talk this over.

(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) Watch where you're poining that thing.
(I was only kidding)
Hey, I'm sorry if your heart is broke, you gotta realize,
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) Aww yea, I was only kidding.
Now, honey, can't you take a joke?

(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) I was only kidding.
(I was only kidding) I didn't LIE to you, I was only kidding, yes,indeed.
(I was only kidding) Baby, baby, you know,
(I was only kidding) Hey!

The White Stuff

The white stuff. The white stuff.

The first one was a sweet one, the second one was a blast.
Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast.
You can see 'em in my teeth, tell it when I talk.
Had so many my pancreas just went into shock.

I love the white stuff, baby, in the middle of an Oreo.
I love the white stuff, baby, it's the most delicious thing I know.

I've had a-zillion or two in my life, they're so right.
My teeth are all rotted clear through, but who cares?
What else am I supposed to do?

O - o - o - o-o. O - Oreo. O - o - o - o-o. The white stuff.
O - o - o - o-o. O - Oreo. What's in the middle? The white stuff.

The first time that I tried it, got a big sugar-buzz.
Nothin' gets me high as that sandwich-cookie does.
But I love the filling most. I rub it on my roast.
Mix it with my coffee and spread it on my toast.

I love the white stuff, baby, in the middle of an Oreo.
I love the white stuff, baby, take some with me ev'rywhere I go.

Might get a pimple or two, but so what? it's alright.
Now, Twinkies and Ding-Dongs won't do.
All I need ... you know what it is.

O - o - o - o-o. O - Oreo. O - o - o - o-o. The white stuff.
O - o - o - o-o. O - Oreo. O - o - o - o-o. The white stuff.
O - o - o - o-o. O - Oreo. What's in the middle? The white stuff.

When I Was Your Age

Well, nobody ever drove ME to school when it was ninety-degrees below.
We had to walk butt-naked through forty-miles of snow.
Worked in the coal-mine twenty-two hours a day for just half a cent.
Had to sell my internal organs just to pay the rent.

When I was your age. When I was your age.
When I was your age. When I was your age.
(Sss-haw, sss-haw, sss-haw, sss-haw)

Let me tell you somethin' you whiny little snot.
There's somethin' wrong with all you kids today.
You just don't appreciate all the things you got.
We were hungry, broke and miserable and we liked it fine that way.

There were seventy-three of us living in a cardboard box.
All I got for Christmas was a lousy bag of rocks.
Every night for dinner we had a big 'ol chunk of dirt.
If we were really good, we didn't get dessert.

When I was your age. When I was your age.
When I was your age. When I was your age.

We didn't have no telephone. Didn't have no fax machine.
All we had was a couple cans and a crummy piece of string.
Didn't have no swimming pool when I was just a lad.
Our neighbor's septic tank was the closest thing we had.

Didn't have no dental floss, had to use old rusty nails.
Didn't have Nintendo. We just poured salt on snails.
Didn't have no water-bed, had to sleep on broken glass.
Didn't have no lawnmower, we used our teeth to cut the grass.

What's the matter now, Sonny? You say you don't believe this junk?
You think my story's wearin' kinda thin?
I tell you one thing, I never was such a disrespectful punk.
Back in my time we had a thing called discipline.

Dad would whoop us every night til a quarter after twelve.
When he'd get too tired, he'd make us whoop ourselves.
Then he'd chop me into pieces and play frisby with my brain.
And let me tell you, Junior, you never heard me complain.

When I was your age. When I was your age. When I was your age.
When I was your age. When I was your age. When I was your age.
When I was your age. When I was your age. When I was your age.

Taco Grande

Taco ... Grande ... Taco ... Grande ...

Yo quiero chimichungas y chile colorado.
Yo tengo el dinero para un steak picado.
Las flautas y tamales siempre muy bueno.
Y el chile relleno.

You see, I just gotta have a tostada, carne asada.
That's right, I want the whole enchilada.
My only addiction has to do with a flour tortilla.
I need a quesadilla.

I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbon.
With my friends or when I'm all alone.
Yo tengo mucho hambre y ahora lo quiero.
Un burrito ranchero.

So give me something spicy and hot now.
Break out the menu, what you got now?
Oh, would you tell the waiter I'd like to have sour cream on the side.
You better make sure the beans are refried.

Taco ... Grande ... Taco ... Grande ...

Well there's not a taco big enough for a man like me.
That's why I order two or three.
Let me give you a tip. Just try a nacho chip.
It's really good with bean dip.

I eat uno, dos, tres, quatro burritos.
Pretty soon I can't fit in my speedos.
Well I hope they feed us alot of chicken fahitas,
And a pitcher of magaritas.

Well the combonation plates all come with beans and rice.
The taquitos here are very nice.
Now I'm down on my knees, we need some extra tomatoes and cheese.
And could you make that seperate checks please?

Taco ... Grande ... Taco ... Grande ...

<Spanish>
Buenos noches Senor y bienvenidos al Enrico's Casa de Salsa. Tenemos muchos platos muy sabrosos. Se puedo recommendar el ardiente pollo al infierno. Muy delicioso. Sus ojos se quemaran. Su estomago estaran en fuego. Se quedaran en el bano por una semana. Entiendes lo que digo gringo estupido tonto?

[translated to English by Cindy Caturia (71552.2237@compuserve.com):
Good evening sir and welcome to Enrico's House of Salsa (or Salsa House). We have many very delicious dishes. May I recommend the burning chicken from hell. Very delicious. Your eyes will burn. Your stomach will be on fire. You'll be in the bathroom for a week! Do you understand what I'm saying you really stupid Gringo? (A Gringo is a derogatory name for an American.)]

Well the food is coming, I can hardly wait.
Now watch your fingers, careful, hot plate.
What do you think you are doing with my chile con queso?
Well if you want some, just say so.

Oh boy, pico de gallo.
They don't make it like this in Ohio.
No gracias, yo quiero jalapeños, nada mas.
You can toss away the hot sauce.

¿Donde estan los nachos? Holy frijole!
You better get me a bowl of guacamole.
Y usted, Eugene? Why's your face turning green?
Don't you like pinto beans?

You want some more cinnamon crispas?
If you don't, hasta la vista.
Just take the rest home in a doggie bag if you wanna.
You can finish it mañana.

Well it's been a pleasure. I can eat no more.
Senor, la cuenta, por favor.
If you aint ever tried real Mexican cooking, well, you oughta.
Just don't drink the water.

Taco ... Grande ... Taco ... Grande ...
Taco ... Grande ... Taco ... Grande ...
Taco ... Grande ... Taco ...

Airline Amy

You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy.
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent-flyer, Airline Amy.
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747.
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy.

Everyone of our dates is at thirty-thousand feet.
She always points out the exit's to me, she's so sweet.
You know she gets me my headphones for free.
Refills my coffe cup whenever I ask.
And you goota admit, my baby looks really hot when she's wearin' that oxygen mask. Well well,

You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy.
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent-flyer, Airline Amy.
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747.
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy.

Amy, darlin', dont'cha know you really drive me nuts
Every time your handin' out those honey-roasted peanuts.
Airline Amy this is my new mission.
Gotta get you in an upright locked position. Oh yea,

You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy.
Tell me I'm your favorite frequent-flyer, Airline Amy.
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747.
And no one else can take me higher than Airline Amy.

Yea yea, You set my ever-lovin' heart on fire, Airline Amy.
You're the only woman I desire, Airline Amy.
Found a little piece of heaven on a 747.
And no one else can take me higher, no one else can take me higher,
And no one else can take me higher than Airline amy.

The Plumbing Song

<Who fixes plumbing problems in a flash? 24 hours a day? 7 days a week?>

Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand,
But plumbing is one thing I don't understand.
It's true. (Haven't got a clue)

B-b-b-baby, I can tell you've got a big problem.
When I flush the john, the shower goes on.
(Baby) Now whatcha gonna do?

If drano's a joke and your plunger is broke.
Baby call the mensch with the monkey-wrench.
(Baby) He'll be there for you. (you you)

Shower's backing up (Up up)
Water won't go down (Down down)
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby.
Don't forget my plumber.
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby. (Baby baby baby)
Sink's been backed-up all Summer.
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby. (Baby baby baby)
Better call the plumber. He'll know what to do.

Pipes been blowing up
Pipes been breaking down
And the carpet's soaked, right through.
Ba-ba ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba ba.
Ba-ba ba ba ba Kitchen's flooded too.
Ba-ba ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba ba.
Ba-ba ba ba ba Girl, you know it's true.

B-b-b-betcha this guy makes more than my lawyer.
If he works for one day, costs you half a years pay.
(Baby) He can be here by two.
So if you've got cash, he'll be there in a flash.
Makin' service calls in his overalls.
(Baby) He'll do his best for you. (You you)

Sewers backing up (Up up)
Got you feeling down (Down down)
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby.
Don't forget my plumber. (Plumber plumber)
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby. (Baby baby baby)
Leaky pipes are a bummer.
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba baby. (Baby baby baby)
Time to call the plumber. (Plumber plumber) Maybe call a few.

Got a problem with plumbing? (Gotta problem with plumbing)
Gotta blame it on something. (Gotta blame it on something)
Blame it on the drain that was cloggin' cloggin'.
Blame it on the faucet that drips all night.
If hairballs, grease and goo won't let the water through,
Blame it on the drain, yea yea.

When I flush the john, now when I flush the john,
It turns the shower on. (On on)
(Roto-Rooter 6-5000)
Ba ba-ba-ba baby, (Baby baby) better call my plumber. (Plumber plumber)
He'll know what to do.

<Call now, we're in the yellow pages>

You Don't Love Me Anymore

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem,
That time that you made it with the whole hockey team.
You used to think I was nice,
Now, you tell all your friends that I'm the anti-christ.

Oh, why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore.
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore.

I knew that we were having problems when,
You put those piranhas in my bathtub again.
You're still the light of my life.
Oh, darlin', I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?

You know I even think it's kinda cute, the way,
You poison my coffee just a little each day.
I still remember the way that you laughed,
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft.

Oh, if you don't mind me askin',
What's this poisonous cobra doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes I get to thinking, you don't love me anymore.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill.
Now my scars are all healing but my heart never will.
You set my house on fire.
You pulled out my chest-hairs with an old pair of pliers.

Oh, you think I'm ugly and you say I'm cheap.
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep.
You drilled a hole in my head.
Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead.

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all.
You never acted this way before.
Honey, something tells me you don't love me anymore.
Oh no no.
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore.