I finally made it through Med. school.
Somehow I made it through-hoo.
I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two.
I was last in the class,
Barely passed at the Institute.
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit.
Hey, like a surgeon,
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Organ transplants are my line.
Better give me all your gauze, nurse,
This patient's fading fast.
Complications have set in,
Don't know how long he'll last.
Let me see that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate.
I'll pull his insides out.
Pull his insides out,
And see what he ate.
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon,
Here's a waiver for you to si-gn.
Wo-ho. Wo-ho. Wo-ho
It's a fact. I'm a quack.
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die.
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay.
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time.
Like a surgeon.
Got your kidneys on my mind.
Like a surgeon, ooh hoo, like a surgeon,
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forcepts, and retractors.
Oh ho-oh. Oh ho-ho-oh. Ooh, baby,
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time.
Dare to be Stupid
Put down that chain saw and listen to me
Its time for us to join in the fight.
Its time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Its time to let the bedbugs bite.
You'd better put all your eggs in one basket
You'd better count your chickens before they hatch.
You'd better sell some wine before its time
You'd better find yourself an itch to scratch.
You'd better squeeze all the Charmin you can
While Mr. Whipple's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan.
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more then you can chew
What can you do? Dare to be stupid!
Take some wooden nickels,
Look for Mr. Goodbar,
Get your mojo working now,
I'll show you how you can dare to be stupid!
You can turn the other cheek,
You can just give up the ship,
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip.
(Dare to be stupid!) Come on and dare to be stupid,
It's so easy to do, dare to be stupid!
We're all waiting for you. Let's go!
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer?
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk,
Now it's time for crying in your beer.
Settle down with a family. Join the PTA.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Cheverolet.
Then party till you drop and they drag you away.
It's OK. You can dare to be stupid!
It's like spinning on a fish.
It's like barking up a tree.
It's like I say, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free.
Dare to be stupid! (yes) Why don't you dare to be stupid?
It's so easy to do. Dare to be stupid.
We're all waiting for you. Dare to be stupid.
Burn your candles at both ends.
Look a gift horse in the mouth.
Mashed potatoes can be your friends.
You can be a coffee achiever.
You can sit around the house and watch "Leave it to Beaver".
The future's up to you, so what'choo gonna do?
Dare to be stupid! Dare to be stupid!
What did i say? (Dare to be stupid)
Tell me what did I say? (Dare to be stupid)
It's alright (Dare to be stupid)
We can be stupid all night (Dare to be stupid)
Come on, join in the crowd (Dare to be stupid)
Shout it out loud (Dare to be stupid)
I can't hear you (Dare to be stupid)
OK, I can hear you now (Dare to be stupid)
Let's go!
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
Dare to be stupid (Dare to be stupid)
I Want A New Duck
(parody of "I Want A New Drug" by Huey Lewis And The News)
Whoah-oh!
I want a new duck.
One that won't try to bite.
One that won't chew a hole in my socks.
One that won't quack all night.
I want a new duck.
One with big webbed feet.
One that knows how to wash my car,
And keep his room real neat.
One that won't raid the ice box.
One that'll stay in shape.
One that's never gonna try
To migrate or escape,
Or I'll tie him up with duck tape.
I want a new duck.
A mallard, I think.
One that won't make a mess of my house,
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink.
I want a new duck.
One that won't steal my beer.
One that won't stick his bill in my mail.
One that knows "The duck stops here."
One that won't drive me crazy
Waddling all around.
One who'll teach me how to swim,
And help me not to drown.
And show me how to get down.
How to get down, baby. Get it?
(Quack quack quack quack quack. quack quack quack quack quack.
Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack.
Quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack)
I want a new duck.
Not a swan or a goose.
Just a drake I can dress real cute.
Think I'm gonna name him Bruce.
I want a new duck.
Not a quail or an owl.
One that won't molt too much.
One that won't smell too foul.
One that won't beg for breadcrumbs,
Hangin' around all day.
He'd better mind his manners.
Better do just what I say,
Or he's gonna be duck paté.
Duck paté, yeah yeah.
(Quack quack quack quack quack. quack quack quack quack quack.
Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack.
Quack quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack)
One More Minute
(Ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh-ahhh ...)
Well, I heard that you're leavin', (leaving)
Gonna leave me far behind, (so far behind)
'Cause you found a brand new lover,
You decided that I'm not your kind, (ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh)
So I pulled (I pulled) your name out (name out) of my Rolodex,
And I tore all your pictures in two,
And I burned down the malt shop where we used to go,
Just because it reminds me of you.
(Yeah) That's right, (that's right) you ain't gonna see me cryin'.
I'm glad (I'm glad) that you found somebody new,
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass,
Than spend one more minute with you. (ahh-ahh-ahh-ooh)
I guess I might seem kinda bitter.
You got me feelin' down in the dumps.
'Cause I'm stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love,
And I have to use the self-service pumps!
Oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase.
You ain't (you ain't) gonna break my heart in two.
'Cause I'd rather get a hundred-thousand paper-cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you.
I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork,
Than watch you going out with other men.
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again and again and again and again and again.
Aw, can't you see what I'm tryin' to say, darlin'.
I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches, (leeches)
Shove an ice pick under a toenail or two.
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you.
Yes, I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks,
Or stick my nostrils together with Crazy Glue.
I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double-edged razor blades,
Than spend one more minute with you-hoo.
I'd rather rip my heart right out of my rib cage with my bare hands and then throw it on the floor and stomp on it till I die...
Than spend one more minute with you.
Yoda
(parody of "Lola" by The Kinks)
I met him in a swamp down in Dagoba,
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda.
S-O-D-A, soda.
I saw the little runt sitting there on a log.
I asked him his name, and in a raspy voice he said, "Yoda."
Y-O-D-A, Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a Muppet, but he's wrinkled and green.
Oh, my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand.
Oh, my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Well, I left home just a week before,
And I've never ever been a Jedi before.
But Obi Wan, he set me straight, of course.
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force!"
Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben,
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
So I used the Force.
I picked up a box.
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head.
Well, I won't forget what Yoda said.
He said,"Luke, stay away from the darker side,
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide."
Oh, my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed,
But remember, if you kill him then you'll be unemployed."
Oh, my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess,
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda, I guess.
But I know that I'll be coming back some day.
I'll be palying this part till I'm old and gray.
The long-term contract that I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time,
With my Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
Yoda. Yo Yo Yo yo Yoda. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoda.
George Of The Jungle
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Strong as he can be.
(Aggh-aghh-aahgh-ahh!!)
Watch out for that tree! (ooh)
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Lives a life that's free.
(Aggh-aghh-aahgh-ahh!!)
Watch out for that tree!
When he gets in a scrape,
When he makes his escape,
With the help of his friend,
An ape named Ape,
Then away he'll schlep,
On his elephant Shep
While Fellah and Ursula stay in step, with
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Friend to you and me.
(Aggh-aghh-aahgh-ahh!!)
Watch out for that tree!
Watch out for that-
(Aggh-aghh! -ooh) tree!
George, George, George of the Jungle,
Friend to you and me.
Slime Creatures From Outer Space
Things just haven't been the same,
Since the flying saucer came.
Now the aliens are on the loose.
Well, we tried to hold 'em back,
Tried to ward off their attack,
But our atom bombs were just no use.
They were ugly, they were mean,
Biggest heads I ever seen.
They made everybody scream and shout.
First they leveled Tokyo,
Then New York was next to go.
Boy, I really wish they'd cut it out!
They wasted everybody on my block.
There goes the neighborhood.
They'll zap you with their death-ray eyes,
And blow you up real good.
Run for your lives!
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're not very nice to the human race.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
There's more comin' every day,
And they just won't go away.
Now they're reproducing in the sewers.
They got slimy lizard skin,
And an evil-lookin' grin,
And they sure could use some manicures.
They got hands all covered with fungus.
They got eyes like some kinda bug.
I sure hope they don't come in here,
I just shampooed the rug.
Run for your lives!
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're really makin' a mess of this place.
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They'll rip your head off just for fun.
They'll paralyze your mind.
They're wearin' out their welcome.
I don't think I like their kind.
They'll suck your brain out through a straw.
You just can't trust those guys.
So hide the children, lock the doors,
And always watch the skies.
Look out! Here come the...
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're an intergalactic disgrace.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
I wish they'd just get outta my face.
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
(Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)
They're makin' a big, fat mess of this place.
(Slime Creatures.)
(Slime Creatures.)
Oh, where did they come from? (slime cretures)
What do they want from us? (slime creatures)
Who do they think they are?
(Slime Creatures. Slime Creatures.)
Why don't they leave me alone?
(Slime Creatures. Slime Creatures.)
They're really getting on my nerves.
Girls Just Want To Have Lunch
(parody of "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper)
Some girls like to buy new shoes,
And others like drivin' trucks and wearing tattoos.
There's only one thing that they all like a bunch.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls, they just wanna have lunch.
I know how to keep a woman satisfied.
When I whip out my Diner's Card their eyes get so wide.
They're always in the mood for something to munch.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have...
That's all they really want.
Is some lunch.
Don't ask 'em to dinner or breakfast or brunch.
'Cause girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch.
(Girls, they want, wanna have lunch. Girls, wanna have)
She eats like she got a hole in her neck,
And I'm the one that always gets stuck with the check.
Can't figure out how come they don't weigh a ton.
Oh, girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have...
That's all they really want,
Is some lunch.
Don't know for certain, but I've got a hunch.
Those girls, they wanna have lunch.
Oh, girls just wanna have lunch.
(Girls, they want, wanna have lunch. Girls, wanna have)
They just wanna, they just wanna.
(Girls) Girls just wanna have lunch.
They just wanna, they just wanna. They just wanna (girls)
Girls just wanna have lunch.
They just wanna, they just wanna. They just wanna, they just wanna.
(Girls) Girls just wanna have lunch.
This Is The Life
I eat filet mignon seven times a day.
My bathtub's filled with Perrier.
What can I say? This is the life!
I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood.
I hire somebody to chew my food.
I'm an upwardly mobile dude. This is the life!
They say that money corrupts you,
But I can't really tell.
I got the whole world at my feet,
And I think it's pretty swell.
I got women lined up outside my door.
They've been waitin' there since the week before.
Who could ask for more? This is the life!
Wha-dop, wha-dop.
You're dead for a real long time.
You just can't prevent it.
So if money can't buy happiness,
I guess I'll have to rent it.
Yeah, every day I make the front page news.
No time to pay my dues.
I got a million pairs of shoes. This is the life!
Ba ba da yia baba baba
Ba ba da da dabba da ba
Ba ba da dabby ya da
B- ba ba ba ba dow-ah
B-B-B Wawawa
I got a solid gold Cadillac.
I make a fortune while I sleep.
You can tell I'm a living legend,
Not some ordinary creep.
No way, I'm the boss. The Big Cheese.
Yeah, I got this town on its knobby little knees.
I can do just what I please. This is the life!
This is the life!
That's right, I'm the king. Number One.
I buy monogrammed Kleenex by the ton.
I pay the bills, I call the shots,
I grease the palms, I buy the yachts.
One thing I can guarantee.
The best things in life, they sure ain't free.
It's such a thrill just to be me.
This is the life! Whoah. This is the life!
Cable TV
I used to think my life was so empty,
I used to think life was passin' me by.
Well, I was just about ready to curl up and die.
But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company.
Well, they hooked me up, and plugged me right in,
And now I got cable TV.
And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean,
Midget wrestling on Channel Three.
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em,
Yeah, but that's all right with me.
I got cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Oh, eighty-three channels of ecstasy.
I love my cable TV, yeah, I love my cable TV.
I got the Siamese Faith Healer's Network,
The news and weather from Peru,
I got Celebrity Hockey,
The Racketball Channel too.
Bugs Bunny direct from Atlanta,
Mr. Wizard is on at five.
I got a satellite dish on the trunk of my car,
So I can watch MTV while I drive.
I'm talkin' 'bout real quality programs,
The kind you just can't get for free.
Now I never wanna leave my apartment,
'Cause there's just so much for me to see.
On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Well, if you need to find me,
You know where I'll be.
Watchin' my cable TV, yeah,
Watchin' my cable TV.
'Cause I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
My friends are gettin' kinda worried,
They think I'm turning into some kinda freak.
Oh, but they're just jealous, 'cause I've seen "Porky's"
Twenty-seven times this week.
On my cable TV, (Cable TV)
Cable TV. (Cable TV)
Yeah, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
I love my cable TV, yeah,
I love my cable TV.
Well, I gotta have cable TV, yeah,
I need my cable TV.
Well, I love, I love my cable TV. I said I love my cable TV.
Well, I gotta have my cable TV. I can't live without my cable TV.
I said i got to have my cable TV. Gotta have cable TV.
I said -bbbbbb- cable TV. Got to have cable TV-ee. (cable TV, yea)
Hooked On Polkas
(polka medley of various songs by various artists)
["State Of Shock" by The Jacksons w/ Mick Jagger]
You're takin' to me good,
Just like you know you should.
You get me on my knees,
Please, baby, please.
She looks so great, everytime I see her face.
She put me in a state (ooh, state of shock)
["Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top]
Top coat. Top hat.
I don't worry, 'cause my wallet's fat.
Black shades. White glove.
Lookin' sharp. Lookin' for love.
They come a-runnin' just as fast as they can,
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man, hey!
Whoo! Ah ha!
["What's Love Got To Do With It" by Tina Turner]
Oh, what's love, got to do, got to do with it?
What's love but a second-hand emotion?
What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken?
["Method Of Modern Love" by Hall & Oates]
M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E,
It's the method of modern love.
["Owner Of A Lonely Heart" by Yes]
Owner of a lonely heart.
Owner of a lonely heart,
Much better than the
Owner of a broken heart.
Owner of a lonely heart.
Yea. yea yea yea yea yea yea.
["We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister]
We're not gonna take it. No!
We ain't gonna take it.
We're not gonna take it, any more.
["99 Luftballons" by Nena]
99 Von luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont.
Denkst du vielleicht Grad an mich.
Dann singe ich ien Lied fur dich.
["Footloose" by Kenny Loggins]
Now I gotta cut loose. Footloose.
Kick off my Sunday shoes.
Please! Louise! Pull me off-a my knees.
Jack! Get back! Come on, before we crack!
Lose your blues. Ev'rybody cut footloose!
["The Reflex" by Duran Duran]
So why-- don't you use it.
Try-- not to bruise it.
Find-- time, don't lose it.
["Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" by Quiet Riot]
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
Bang your head.
Metal health'll drive ya mad.
["Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood]
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna go to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna sock it to it.
Relax, don't do it.
When you wanna come.
When you wanna come.
When you want to come.